Jokes

[Loveishelltruley90]

Hi Guys

Im starting this thread for people to post jokes, funny stories or funny thoughts and ideas

here's one to start off

Q) If Decarte was still alive what would he change his philosophy "ego ergo sum" (I Think Therefore I am) into??

A) He would change it to "Telephno ergo sum" (I telephone therfore I am)

because you see all these people with no lives shouting into their mobile phones as they meet up with the people they're phoning! I mean what is up with that???

PS I know that that was probably not funny

[The B]

Q. Why don't Cannibals Eat Clowns?

[The B]

A. Because they taste funny

[kees]

Q: Why don't fish?

[kees]

A: Because they never anyway.......

[mojoryzin]

A Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, and
were both married to other people, found themselves assigned
to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing
a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly,
he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the
woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach into the closet
to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied . "Just for
tonight, let 's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

[The Boy Hoy]

haha that last one was good

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 pints of beer

There barman starts to pour and the man drinks them as quick as they come

"hey you're drinking fast" says the barman

"you would too if you had what i've got" said the man

after a moment the barman finally asks "so what have you got......."

"£1/$2" says the man

[magnoliamountain]

D YOU NAUGHTY BOY!
YOU POSTED THIS AT SCHOOL!!

love it though

[magnoliamountain]

During A Lesson!

[marigold]

What do monkeys and acid rain have in common?

[marigold]

They both fuck up trees.

[Loveishelltruley90]

Hi here's another one

Q) What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone

A) You can't here a Vitamin

[Loveishelltruley90]

Sorry about the spelling mistake

its suppost to say :

You can't Hear a Vitamin

(in a humble, meek voice)Sorry

[magnoliamountain]

you can edit your post liht90, just click edit post in the black box near the bottom

[marigold]

How do you dig up a trumpet?

[marigold]

You root it oot.
Maybe helps if said in a Scottish accent)

[The Boy Hoy]

i didn't get that until i read it back in my great scottish impression accent!

whats green and smells of bacon.....


Kermits cock!



let the filth begin.................................:bananasmile :

[just like majic]

Why does Piglet smell?




Because he plays with Pooh.

[lagiaconda]

Strangest joke ever. I heard this one on the radio on the way to school one morning (about, oh, 12 years ago) and it resulted in total silence and puzzlement from the DJs for a few seconds. I still don't know if someone was messing with them, or what, but this is the joke.

One orange says to another orange, 'where do you live?'
The second orange says, 'I'm not telling you, you might steal my laundry!'

Yeah. I have *no idea*. I love re-telling it though, people get really frustrated and puzzled.

[just like majic]

"Madame Fortune Teller" tell me...Are there any good golf courses in Heaven?"

"I have some good news and some bad news"

"Well what's the good news?"

"The good news is that the golf courses in heaven are so beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

"That's wonderful!"

"And you'll be teeing off at 8:30 tomorrow morning."